So every college student accuses their adult neighbors of being unreasonable and overly dramatic. But when I say that our neighbor is crazy... the man is certifiably out of his mind.
Well this Saturday, it was a gorgeous, cloudless day - perfect for an afternoon of sitting in the garden, sipping drinks and relaxing over lunch. Opening our dining room doors to the outside, we placed speakers just inside, and played music at a level appropriate for an afternoon get-together (and no, I'm not exaggerating).
Obviously, Crazy Neighbor couldn't handle this, and stormed over to our gate, demanding we shut off the music. He arrived with a 5-page, single spaced letter in hand, fuming from the ears. He had obviously been drafting this rant for months (years, actually).
"I'm very sorry, sir. We didn't realize it was bothering you; we will turn it down immediately," Charlie told him
"I don't think you understand," Mr. Paul Bahlsen (tee hee) replied, "It is illegal to play music in this neighborhood."
Puritanism isn't extinct!
***
I am much delighted to include some choice excerpts from his signed and dated, open letter to the Director of Student Affairs at UCT (who has repeatedly ignored this guy) regarding the "US American students in No. 22 Lover's Walk" (his grammar is impeccable, by the way) :
1. "For some reason, Americans do not seem to react to [the repeated 'hooting' of requested taxi drivers outside] and continue with their preparations (bathing, make-up, whatever)... The later the better, it seems... With some 14 students residing at No. 22, this aberrant behavior must be multiplied by 14 to get the full impact." [Waiting taxis = aberrant behavior]
2. "Students are brought back to No. 22 and then sit in those cars at length... We do heavily object to engines being kept running throughout this time, so that our whole house echoes with the rumble and nobody can sleep." [I love to sit in taxis late at night when my warm bed is feet away.]
3. By far my favorite: "At the gate of No. 22 [the American students] proceed with many and lengthy goodbyes and goodnights hailed across the street and 'I love you dearly' and other paraphenalia. Then they enter the gate and CLANG!!!! It is a wrought iron security gate, which, to us by now, seems to be the guillotine of the French revolution descending upon us." [Gate= ruthless, mass murder.]
4. "There seems to be no sense of community, as though Us-American students had no fathers or mothers or grandparents and family back at home, and were totally anarchic and chaotic." [I'm a homeless American orphan, didn't you know?]
5. "Women's voices being higher in pitch, can become very strident indeed, especially after 11pm when other noises... have died down." [Don't even get me started.]
6. "We have wondered whether there is a steady group of non-students who have become part of this crowd... and become friendly with the new American students with the evil intent of misusing their facilities." [We have had two parties this whole semester. There were only students.]
7. "Ms. Ida Cooper... was [at first] helpful and understanding, but late became unhelpful, in full denial, and, in fact, rude." [Ida, the delightful lady who organized our house, is probably the world's nicest, most accommodating woman.]
8. "Our sleep deprivation is taxing us heavily." [We've had two parties. They were over by midnight. On Saturdays.]
9. "We have no problem with the usual student movements, talking etc., day or night... The goodwill we offered we need not have bothered with at all." [Huh?]
10. Lastly: "The American students appear to live different lives, have different cultures, andhave clearly not been taught respect for others, or how to live normal suburban lives."
***
Please enjoy this treat in its entirety below (click on the images to enlarge):
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